So here I am at age 16, celebrating a Debutante Competition at our church. I had raised the second highest amount of money for this occasion.
On my birthday today, I am thinking back to this year in my life and seeing for the first time what a defining year it had been.
This was the year…
…that shaped so much of the stories I began telling myself. It was the year that held the whispers of a path that would later call to me.
*I was also in love. Really in love. I experienced my first heartbreak and had no idea how to begin weaving through those emotions.
*What I believed about myself as a woman became etched in my soul. The seed was sown to believe that I was not worthy of future beautiful experiences because I felt anything but beautiful inside. This belief played itself out in so many ways as the years continued.
*I experienced grief for the first time through death of loved ones, not knowing that through the years and especially now, I would have an ongoing spirit connection with them.
*During this defining year I painted something for my granny using parts of the painting as inspirational messages for her grief.
* At age 16 I had my First Spiritual Experience one night as I lay sleeping. The memory of that and the message is still so clear to me. You know – the kind of experience you learn to rather keep quiet about because it doesn’t fit the usual picture of how things are “supposed” to be experienced.
I look at this photo of myself and I wish I could have said to her:
Right now you have no idea just how closely woven your voice, your spirituality and your creativity actually are.
I look into the face of this tender 16 year old who had no idea how much was waiting for her to experience and grow from. I recall the many blazing fires I recently came through, and yet the woman I am now, is no longer interested in the details that set those fires ablaze.
They are part of a story that no longer defines her – a story that became the channel to lead her into light.
I am so grateful.
Today, as I begin writing a new story I see that…
I spent my whole school life hiding behind the pupil in front of me. I spent the rest of my days hiding behind the voices of others. Becoming lost, trying to conform, be understood, be heard and accepted.
I hid my creativity from the world and began owning it hugely last year. What joy unfolded for me
I am no longer content to hide a Spiritual Awakening that has begun sprouting within me. It feels too beautiful and precious to do that. It began during a time of stillness and deep surrender 3 months ago. I began experiencing spontaneous moments of an “inner vision”, messages and intuitive guidance in a way I had not before, not to this extent. My body started rejecting certain foods and I noticed a distinct difference in my ability to connect Spiritually when I avoided them. 14 years ago this awakening started calling me already, after that first moment at age 16 which I wrote about earlier.
No longer am I going to keep saying NO to my soul and yes t0 others.
This experience has become a daily guide for me, it has created so much peaceful centredness. My trust has deepened, my intuition has heightened. My deepest desire for my life is to live one of a pure higher vibrational quality than I have before. I feel like I have come home, as if my soul has had this “knowing” and “awakening” back in ancient times already and I am beginning to remember it all now. Many years ago when I first laid eyes on anything with an Angelic or Metaphysical nature I devoured the books because they felt like something just so familiar.
This post has felt so brave to write. I`ve struggled with this for awhile and rewrote it many times only to realise that if I wish to experience a life of integrity, then hiding is just not the way to move forward. Today, as I begin a new cycle of my life, it is feeling like the time is here…. the time is here to come out and speak a deeper truth than I have been. I am just following this call and I will see where it leads, already aspects of my recent paintings have been guided by these moments of intuitive guidance.
I have learnt to understand that just because someone else has not had firsthand experience with what I have, does not make mine any less than truth for me. Just as their experience is truth for them, even if it no longer feels right for me.
I cannot write, teach and paint about connection, freedom and authenticity when I am not allowing myself to be free enough to connect to the core of me.
Now as I celebrate turing 47 today, I raise my glass, my heart, my voice to one of truth, courage and enormous self love. It is for sure an act of self love to embrace all the parts that make us who we are meant to be, especially when we are no longer comfortable to conform to approval from others.
From this place of truth, I am raising my own vibrational energy and connecting more authentically to myself and others.
I`d love to leave you with words written to me yesterday by a fellow traveller, Rhian Lockard:
“You are giving your soul the greatest gift you can by being as authentic as possible.”
Is there something in you that calls to be given a stronger voice. I`d love to hear.
With love and light
PS: I will be posting a new challenge I am giving myself on Instagram today – a personal challenge I decided to do and why this feels like something I would love to begin. It is a challenge you can certainly join in too.